D’oh. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.

Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing? Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.

Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. Save me, Jeebus. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!
…And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! D’oh. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Ahoy hoy? “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.

Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!

That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.

…And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.

Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.